Haircolor:
-5mv, 3rv, V HiFu, V kicker, blonde dim, 20vol, 10vol, prisms.plus vibrant violet
-color bottle, HLing cap, needle

Pin Up Laura:
-swim top, bootie panties, fishnets, barbie heels or little boots
-pearls, extensions (curled and pinned?)
-toys, paddles, cuffs
-pre: naired, shaved, make-up, hairblend, nails

Shopping List:
-swim bottoms, shorts, maxi dress, comfy sandals (reedbottomed)
-bridesmaid dress!

Laura Fortune, years 12-14: The Highway. Loud music. Slight confusion. Tense. Unforgiving. Fast.

Laura Fortune, years 14-18: Deserts. Cliffs. Rockface. Caves. Scorpions. Stalactites. Darkness. But the wind on her back was exhilarating.

Laura Fortune, years 18-20: Prairie. Soft, sweet grasses. An emergence. Relaxation. Ease. Peacefulness. Such sweet sleep.

Laura Fortune, years 21-?: She lives on the Sea.

a hoodie with a special beer-pouch pocket. Totally silly, and awesome

The perfect hair accessory

But this one’s bigger and slightly more awesome

By now, you are realizing I really like hair combs.

I am also officially a bridesmaid in Heather’s wedding, although it remains to be seen if I am the maid of honor. I am, of course, the bridal stylist. Possibly make-up artist as well, and I might also act as a photographer just for kicks.
I’m excited.
I get to play dress up.

Yours,
Laura F.

_______________________________________________________
(this is for me)

http://www.sydneyscloset.com/asp/product.asp?categoryid=51&catalogid=2034

http://www.sydneyscloset.com/asp/product.asp?categoryid=51&catalogid=1426

http://www.sydneyscloset.com/asp/product.asp?categoryid=51&catalogid=1640

http://www.helenebridal.com/Bridesmaid-Dresses/BD1641/

http://www.idressonline.com/plus-size-dresses_c_72.html

http://www.idressonline.com/Alyce-Strapless-Charmeuse-Dress_p_1285.html

want want want want want!!! Ahhhhh!

http://www.idressonline.com/Alyce-Taffeta-Embroidered-Appliques-Gown_p_1286.html

http://www.idressonline.com/Terani-Couture-Halter-Tiered-Ruffles-Dress-_p_1317.html

Fail no more!

I am happy where I am. With what surrounds me.
I’m just sad to see so many relationships unravel all at the same time. Not just with myself, but with other friends as well.
Have you noticed (and maybe it’s just me) everyone is moving?
Me, Becky, Kyle, Cody, my uncle Pat, my boyfriend’s roommate, and good old Ernie. Everyday this week I’ve seen people at my old complex moving things in an out. Everyday this week I’ve seen people at my new complex moving things out. Where the hell are we all going? What are we all doing?
We’re all ending stagnant jobs in hope to find something better. It seems everyone, everywhere is just fucking ‘stuck.’

But this is life, and I’m not complaining.
Now that I am safe and secure with all my new-ness, I’m wondering what I can do next.
New boyfriend, new home, new family.
New job ventures, new hair, new routine.
Old interests have become new.
Old belongings have new purpose.

Everything is cosmically rearranging.
Do you see it, too?
I think we all may be preparing for something huge.

:]

With a full heart,
- Laura F.

Enjoy me being cute, below!
Too lazy to rotate, so give your neck some exercise.

I’m starting my own “business.”
I suppose it’s legit, but it feels funny. A good kind of funny. A successful? funny.
I pray for abundance. To live the life I want so badly. An independent one. Self-sufficient.
I have everything else I want and need. I’m lacking just that one thing, the imaginary comfort of bundles of cash. I never wanted to be this way.
Kyle and I made a foolish agreement when we were young. It involved a mutual promise to never be so money-hungry and materialistic.. I sound and act like I’m getting there pretty quickly, but the reality is that I’m just trying to survive.

I’ve been sick lately.
Feverish.
Tremble-y.

Nervous.
e x c i t e d
Anxious.

Am I spelling things wrong? I’m so tired that all these words look funny, but I won’t sleep. I feel the urge, the flow of conciousness is trying to get out. God forbid I let myself speak. It finds its way out of my fingertips.
I never speak.
Somewhere along the way I learned that it’s best to not say what you want. How? When? Why?
How do I make it stop? As if telling someone what I want is going to hurt their feelings.. Ridiculous.
I remain decisionless because, somehow, my brain tells me it’s better if I go along with what you want. What anyone wants, really. If you plan it for me, I will do it. You want me to? Okay. It doesn’t matter if I want to, right? You all have better judgement. You all know better. I’m so new to everything, and all those who surround me are veterans.
I sound completely crazy.
This is what goes through my head every day, and I believe it.
Do you see the pattern?
And for the most part, (and this is the scariest part) it works and it’s true.

Apparently, everyone knows better. I must be a real fucking idiot.

Smoke this. – …Okay.
Drink this. – I will.
Dance to this. – Sure.
You drive this time. – Again..? Okay.
Move in with him. – Good idea.
Don’t do it, go home. – Well, okay.
Quit your job. – ..Okay. I’ll do it.
Find a new one. – I’m trying.
Start over. – Done deal.
Start from scratch. – There’s no other way.
Pay her back. – Of course.
Pay him back. – Absolutely.
Pay the bank back. – Okay.
Call your mom. – I will.
Say your prayers. – I still do.
Stay the night. – I’d love to.
Sleep at home tonight. – I can do that.
Clean your car. – First thing tomorrow.
Pack your stuff. – Okay.
Go make money. – Okay.
Sell yourself for more. – Well, I guess you’re right.
Save your money. – I can.
Buy yourself something nice. – Sure.
Go get some new shoes. – Good idea.
Listen to this music. – It’s wonderful.
Listen, and love it. – I can love it if you want me to.
Pick up that pencil. – Okay..
Sharpen your shears. – Yes, I will.
Make art. – Yes.
Make-over. – Wonderful.
Make up. Be friends. – I can do that.
Don’t cry. – I’ll try not to.
Come over. – As soon as I can.
Be my friend. – I always will be.
Go fuck yourself. – Are you sure..? Okay.
Stay lonely. – Fine.
Stay out of my life. – Alright, okay.
Come back to me. – I’m coming.
Come back! – I’m back!

I don’t think any of this is bad.
I’m just noticing the trend, and it’s scary to me.
I’m fairly certain I’ve always been this pliable. Must be something my parents accidentally taught me. Goddamn conditioning. Fuck you, psychology.
“Do my bidding!” I think I’d make an excellent minion.

I don’t want you to be so certain, even if I already know it’s overdue.
No more trips to Indiana? Really? Won’t you miss me? Who will stay in my bedroom? Who will stay up and clean after you’ve passed out? Who will be there to make sure you don’t do anything reckless?  Who will sit beside the locked bathroom door and coax you to come out before you fall asleep on the floor? Who will stay up and watch stupid movies and eat box after box of Rice a Roni with you? Who will be “the other car”?No more group vacations? No more camping trips for me? No more spending hours watching you play video games?  No more making “Laura” on the Sims?
No more Evita and Rent twice a year?   Are you sure?

Who will you talk to when Cody’s driving you off the wall? Who will I talk to?
What does that mean I will have to call you?
“My ex-best-friend”
“My best-friend-growing-up”
“My good old friend Kyle, yeah, we used to be attatched at the hip. But we grew up and grew apart and we changed. Both of us did. But we were sure as hell good together. We had an unbelievable friendship, the kind you find in movies rather than in real life.”

I have been destroyed. Rattled.
I am hysterical. Unreal. Unfair, but so timely.
I give up. You’re right. It’s been over, and I am so upset and angry and hurt and I’m writing backwards and my tears are rolling and I’m snuffling away.

I loved you so much.

There will never be another you. You will never find another me.
We’re both going to feel so empty now.

Only friendship-love and boyfriend-love, no more epic-and-so-much-more-meaningful-”us”-love.

_____________________________________

“Its strange. Since you moved to Lisle…I have not really wanted to be around you. At first it was okay…but each time I saw you, you become someone that was not completely you.”